doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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