go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
