So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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