last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
