There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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