bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
