Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
