i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
