She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
