you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
