non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
