He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
