I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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