He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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