My friends, they love my intelligence
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize