i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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