Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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