I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
