There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i think i just lost a toe
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
