Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
