Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
