Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
