And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
