a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
