So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
