I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
