I should be sponsored by Trojan
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
