hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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