Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
