he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
