Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
