Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
