I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
