she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize