So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
