I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
