Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
