Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
