Small penises have feelings too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
