take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize