Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
