genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
