Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
