Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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