im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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