I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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