I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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