I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
