I just cut my nipple shaving
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
