Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
