nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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