I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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