piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
