Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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