please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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