what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
