Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
40s are totally the cure
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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