Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
