Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
