dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
