i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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