somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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