dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
