And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
