Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
