oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
