im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
