I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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