I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
