nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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