tell your sister to shave her snatch
and she was petting her beer can
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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