We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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